Thursday, December 09, 2004
Questionnaire: On Dating Ultra Hot Stud, Josh Krebs
***You must score an 80% or more on this quiz in order to date Josh***
(Good Luck)
Name: _________________________
Date Of Birth: __________________ Astrological Sign: __________________
Birthplace: _________________________________
Are you an only child? ________
Would you say you have a good family life? ___________
Are you speaking to both of your parents? ___________
What religion are you? __________________
Are you on any mind medication? ____________
Do you like kids? _________________
Do you own any Ramones or Pixies albums? __________
Are you involved in theatre? _______________
How many shows did you see in the last year? ___________
If your good friend were in a show, would you find time to go see it? ______
Have you read any Palahniuk or Ellis books? ____________
Are you the jealous type? _________________
Do you care more about yourself than others? ______________
Do you consider yourself apathetic? ________
Are you tend to dwell on minor details? _________________
Would it bother you if I have a lot of girl friends? ____________
Are you depressed on a regular basis? ________________
Is your name Megan? ________________
Have you ever stalked an ex? _____________________
Do you have a good sense of humor? ___________
Would you bash a television with a baseball bat, just for fun? _________
Do you like Ketchup? __________
Do you shop at thrift stores? _____________
Do you support your local punk bands? _____________
Have you ever punched someone in the face? __________________
Do you think Christopher Walken should be president? ____________
Do you own a pair of tennis shoes or converse? __________
Do you where them on a regular basis? ____________
Have you ever made your own shirt? _______________
Would you consider seeing ‘Napoleon Dynamite’ and eating out at ‘Steak n Shake’ a good date? _____________
If you went to Boston, would you buy me a Cheers Shirt? ____________
Have you ever been to Mei Mei’s China? ___________
If I took you there to meet my crazy, hippie, anarchist friends, would you enjoy yourself? ________________
Would you crawl through the kid’s tunnels at a children’s museum just for fun? _____________
And finally…
Would you care and respect me for who I am? _____________
Comments-[ comments.]
***You must score an 80% or more on this quiz in order to date Josh***
(Good Luck)
Name: _________________________
Date Of Birth: __________________ Astrological Sign: __________________
Birthplace: _________________________________
Are you an only child? ________
Would you say you have a good family life? ___________
Are you speaking to both of your parents? ___________
What religion are you? __________________
Are you on any mind medication? ____________
Do you like kids? _________________
Do you own any Ramones or Pixies albums? __________
Are you involved in theatre? _______________
How many shows did you see in the last year? ___________
If your good friend were in a show, would you find time to go see it? ______
Have you read any Palahniuk or Ellis books? ____________
Are you the jealous type? _________________
Do you care more about yourself than others? ______________
Do you consider yourself apathetic? ________
Are you tend to dwell on minor details? _________________
Would it bother you if I have a lot of girl friends? ____________
Are you depressed on a regular basis? ________________
Is your name Megan? ________________
Have you ever stalked an ex? _____________________
Do you have a good sense of humor? ___________
Would you bash a television with a baseball bat, just for fun? _________
Do you like Ketchup? __________
Do you shop at thrift stores? _____________
Do you support your local punk bands? _____________
Have you ever punched someone in the face? __________________
Do you think Christopher Walken should be president? ____________
Do you own a pair of tennis shoes or converse? __________
Do you where them on a regular basis? ____________
Have you ever made your own shirt? _______________
Would you consider seeing ‘Napoleon Dynamite’ and eating out at ‘Steak n Shake’ a good date? _____________
If you went to Boston, would you buy me a Cheers Shirt? ____________
Have you ever been to Mei Mei’s China? ___________
If I took you there to meet my crazy, hippie, anarchist friends, would you enjoy yourself? ________________
Would you crawl through the kid’s tunnels at a children’s museum just for fun? _____________
And finally…
Would you care and respect me for who I am? _____________
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
" And there's this burning, Like there's always been, I've never been so alone, And I've never been so alive. " -Motorcycle Drive By Third Eye Blind
I sat down at the piano today. I haven’t played in over a month, and felt I should give it a visit. I took out “Kissing You,” which has always been one of my favorite songs to perform. I began to play the song, and as I sang the words... I began to cry. I couldn’t manage to get the words out of my mouth, so I kept playing until the tears blurred my vision. A sadness fell over me, and I felt that I couldn’t breath. I was so lucky in the past five years of my life. I was in love. And not only that, but someone loved me too. My good friend Rachel used to write on my hand, “somebody loves me.” It felt so amazing to feel so secure and confident in something or someone. That was all taken away from me. Ripped out of my heart and soul. I was self-confident at first, and truly felt that I would be all right... but now I’m no so sure. How do you just stop loving someone? This is the kind of question I’ve been asked by my friends all my life, but now the answer isn’t so clear. “Do you still love me? Either way you answer, it will still hurt.” I told a friend today that I was sick of the way I was living my life. I am so tired of the worrying, the thinking, and the excessive analyzing. I just want to live my life, free of the burdens that tie people down. I want to be able to love, without having people question. I want to feel content in not knowing what tomorrow holds. I feel that if I could live this way, then maybe I wouldn’t feel so hurt and alone. But these are all things that my caring nature keeps me from accomplishing. I am surrounded by people in which I feel absorbed by. A once love, who I can’t seem to figure out if still truly cares. A close, perceptive friend in which I haven’t heard from. And a best friend who can’t get over her extreme self-centeredness to see that her best friend has been genuinely hurting. Where do I go from here? I will seek to become this free loving person that I admire in friends. Although, I hope never to lose my compassion and faith. “I’ve never been so alone, and I’ve never been so alive.”
Comments-[ comments.]
I sat down at the piano today. I haven’t played in over a month, and felt I should give it a visit. I took out “Kissing You,” which has always been one of my favorite songs to perform. I began to play the song, and as I sang the words... I began to cry. I couldn’t manage to get the words out of my mouth, so I kept playing until the tears blurred my vision. A sadness fell over me, and I felt that I couldn’t breath. I was so lucky in the past five years of my life. I was in love. And not only that, but someone loved me too. My good friend Rachel used to write on my hand, “somebody loves me.” It felt so amazing to feel so secure and confident in something or someone. That was all taken away from me. Ripped out of my heart and soul. I was self-confident at first, and truly felt that I would be all right... but now I’m no so sure. How do you just stop loving someone? This is the kind of question I’ve been asked by my friends all my life, but now the answer isn’t so clear. “Do you still love me? Either way you answer, it will still hurt.” I told a friend today that I was sick of the way I was living my life. I am so tired of the worrying, the thinking, and the excessive analyzing. I just want to live my life, free of the burdens that tie people down. I want to be able to love, without having people question. I want to feel content in not knowing what tomorrow holds. I feel that if I could live this way, then maybe I wouldn’t feel so hurt and alone. But these are all things that my caring nature keeps me from accomplishing. I am surrounded by people in which I feel absorbed by. A once love, who I can’t seem to figure out if still truly cares. A close, perceptive friend in which I haven’t heard from. And a best friend who can’t get over her extreme self-centeredness to see that her best friend has been genuinely hurting. Where do I go from here? I will seek to become this free loving person that I admire in friends. Although, I hope never to lose my compassion and faith. “I’ve never been so alone, and I’ve never been so alive.”
Sunday, March 28, 2004
I have three issues in my life that I would like to touch on in my entries today. I am putting all of my heart into these statements, therefore please read them with care.
"Sometimes I lay in bed at night and wish that I had never loved you, because then I would never have to know what it feels like to lose you..."
I found my heart my sleeve yesterday. “What are you doing there!?” I found myself wondering. I am usually very careful about this sort of thing. My heart is so fragile; I rarely find it appropriate to lie it out for anyone’s judgments, indiscretions, and dissecting. There is one in particular that I let into my heart last week. Someone who I’ve loved for the past five years. Someone who I trusted. I opened up to this person who I thought I knew... but I got hurt again. I let myself get hurt again. With everyone else’s problems in which I’ve been dealing with, I didn’t think I would have time to get hurt again. I suppose I was I was weak, and now I am trying so desperately to become strong once again.
“True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost.”
--Charles Caleb Colton
This weekend was a rude awakening. My best friend, who I have loved without question for fourteen years, has proved herself ungrateful. We have been through so much together. We had a connection that was built from love, caring, understanding, and growth. I came to the realization this weekend that these aspects of our relationship were purely one sided. I realized you cannot have a friendship, when only one person feels this way. I have loved Allison for fourteen years. I have done nothing but be there for her always. No matter how many times she broke my heart when she kissed the boy I was interested in, or spent time with other friends, instead of with me, or even not thinking to call when I was down. I still loved her, and was there for her when she needed me. I even kept my sadness to myself, out of love and respect for her happiness. Although, not only did she not share these same respects with me, but she also disrespected my feelings and opinions. There were many times in our friendship that I didn’t approve or support the decisions or choices that she made, although I always respected her, and loved her no matter what. I never let her mere judgments sway the way I felt about her. I gave her love without judgment. Although, she always judged my decisions and feelings, and never respected the way I felt. If she disagreed with me, that was all that mattered. She never once stopped and asked me how I truly felt about the matter at hand, or even gave me a chance to explain my feelings. ‘How can one be so selfish?’ I found myself trying to understand. Friendship is all about understanding and love. She never once tried to understand my dilemma or predicaments. She never put me before herself, when I did nothing but put her before my own. She called me when she had a problem, wrote me when she needed help... Rarely did she ever consider the fact that I might be hurting too, or have my own problems. She never once showed any remorse or understanding towards my feelings. Last week she jumped to conclusions on a predicament that I had no knowledge of. Instead of confronting me about the matter at hand, she automatically assumed that I was the problem, and wrote me impertinent remarks. The worst part is that I have never given her any reason to distrust my love. Not only did my best friend disrespect me, but she disrespected me without reason! Therefore, when I tried to confront her with my feelings, she ran away. After all of these years, after all the pain I have suffered to keep this friendship alive, she was too ignorant and self-interested to even listen, let alone respect what I had to say. I drove four hours to see her, and finally tell her what had been bothering me all these years, and she left me cold. That was it. “You can not reason with an unreasonable person.” My conscious effort to make a menses ended in disrespect and heartbreak. My best friend running away from the predicament proved my point exactly, I suppose. It proved that this is not a friendship, when only one person is striving to keep it alive. I am sorry Allison. I love you so much, but there is more to a friendship than self and judgment. I can’t pretend anymore that her egocentric actions don’t hurt me. And this has nothing to do with the obvious individuals. This is something I had to realize on my own. I am truly sorry she chose not to listen to my plea. I am even more sorry that she left me there in the dark.
A friend might well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature.
--Ralph Waldo Emerson
I would like to end this post with a quick 'thank you.' I have been through so much these past few months, and there has been one person in particular who has been a blessing. Someone I met at the beginning of all my troubles, and one who is still there at the present. No matter how much stress he was under, he would still stop for a moment, just to ask how I was doing. I found myself speechless. ‘I never had a friend I was comforting, pause their own problems, just to see if I was ok.’ He is an amazing individual with so much to give. He truly appreciates and cares for his friends. That sort of sentiment is often disregarded or forgotten these days. I feel so lucky and grateful to have met and built a friendship with this person. Thank you. You have no idea how much I truly appreciate your solidarity.
Comments-[ comments.]
Comments-[ comments.]
"Sometimes I lay in bed at night and wish that I had never loved you, because then I would never have to know what it feels like to lose you..."
I found my heart my sleeve yesterday. “What are you doing there!?” I found myself wondering. I am usually very careful about this sort of thing. My heart is so fragile; I rarely find it appropriate to lie it out for anyone’s judgments, indiscretions, and dissecting. There is one in particular that I let into my heart last week. Someone who I’ve loved for the past five years. Someone who I trusted. I opened up to this person who I thought I knew... but I got hurt again. I let myself get hurt again. With everyone else’s problems in which I’ve been dealing with, I didn’t think I would have time to get hurt again. I suppose I was I was weak, and now I am trying so desperately to become strong once again.
“True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost.”
--Charles Caleb Colton
This weekend was a rude awakening. My best friend, who I have loved without question for fourteen years, has proved herself ungrateful. We have been through so much together. We had a connection that was built from love, caring, understanding, and growth. I came to the realization this weekend that these aspects of our relationship were purely one sided. I realized you cannot have a friendship, when only one person feels this way. I have loved Allison for fourteen years. I have done nothing but be there for her always. No matter how many times she broke my heart when she kissed the boy I was interested in, or spent time with other friends, instead of with me, or even not thinking to call when I was down. I still loved her, and was there for her when she needed me. I even kept my sadness to myself, out of love and respect for her happiness. Although, not only did she not share these same respects with me, but she also disrespected my feelings and opinions. There were many times in our friendship that I didn’t approve or support the decisions or choices that she made, although I always respected her, and loved her no matter what. I never let her mere judgments sway the way I felt about her. I gave her love without judgment. Although, she always judged my decisions and feelings, and never respected the way I felt. If she disagreed with me, that was all that mattered. She never once stopped and asked me how I truly felt about the matter at hand, or even gave me a chance to explain my feelings. ‘How can one be so selfish?’ I found myself trying to understand. Friendship is all about understanding and love. She never once tried to understand my dilemma or predicaments. She never put me before herself, when I did nothing but put her before my own. She called me when she had a problem, wrote me when she needed help... Rarely did she ever consider the fact that I might be hurting too, or have my own problems. She never once showed any remorse or understanding towards my feelings. Last week she jumped to conclusions on a predicament that I had no knowledge of. Instead of confronting me about the matter at hand, she automatically assumed that I was the problem, and wrote me impertinent remarks. The worst part is that I have never given her any reason to distrust my love. Not only did my best friend disrespect me, but she disrespected me without reason! Therefore, when I tried to confront her with my feelings, she ran away. After all of these years, after all the pain I have suffered to keep this friendship alive, she was too ignorant and self-interested to even listen, let alone respect what I had to say. I drove four hours to see her, and finally tell her what had been bothering me all these years, and she left me cold. That was it. “You can not reason with an unreasonable person.” My conscious effort to make a menses ended in disrespect and heartbreak. My best friend running away from the predicament proved my point exactly, I suppose. It proved that this is not a friendship, when only one person is striving to keep it alive. I am sorry Allison. I love you so much, but there is more to a friendship than self and judgment. I can’t pretend anymore that her egocentric actions don’t hurt me. And this has nothing to do with the obvious individuals. This is something I had to realize on my own. I am truly sorry she chose not to listen to my plea. I am even more sorry that she left me there in the dark.
A friend might well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature.
--Ralph Waldo Emerson
I would like to end this post with a quick 'thank you.' I have been through so much these past few months, and there has been one person in particular who has been a blessing. Someone I met at the beginning of all my troubles, and one who is still there at the present. No matter how much stress he was under, he would still stop for a moment, just to ask how I was doing. I found myself speechless. ‘I never had a friend I was comforting, pause their own problems, just to see if I was ok.’ He is an amazing individual with so much to give. He truly appreciates and cares for his friends. That sort of sentiment is often disregarded or forgotten these days. I feel so lucky and grateful to have met and built a friendship with this person. Thank you. You have no idea how much I truly appreciate your solidarity.
Comments-[ comments.]
Sunday, March 21, 2004
My Past Week...
I was away, but now I return. These are my writings and thoughts over the past week.
A week away to clear my thoughts, worries, and reflections. A week to forget and live freely. A week to find myself. A week to forget myself. An easy, carefree week.... When I experience that week to forget my worries, I’ll let you know!
Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius. --Mozart
Love is such an important part to my life. I believe that if used appropriately, love can conquer all obstacles. I found my self in love this past week. In love with this world, Mike, the mountains, God, music, Abby, Emerson, hiking, Brooks, honesty, Boston, fairies, Tony, charity, books, Jessica, animal crackers, Ailey, learning, Joe, the forest, Alice, hope, snow, punk rock, gerbera daises, parents, long walks, peace, AJ.... I am so in love with life. Where do I start? Where do I stop? I don’t. I will continue to love. Some more than others, and some differently than before. I have found some running away from love. Some get so overwhelmed or caught up is its immense power, that they submit or give up on love. I pity those poor souls, yet I worry for my own. I cannot stop loving and often love others too much... I never thought is was possible to love someone too much. But I will continue with my boundless love; I will keep moving past all of the broken hearts, shattered dreams, and false hopes. I will keep loving all of you and everything. For that is who I am, and forever shall be.
Moontouched.
“People with green eyes were close to the fairies we were told...” -Seamus Deane.
Maybe this explains my vivid green eyes with my bizarre gift. A genuine soul made me realize a gift that I have been given to better this world. The gift to see, and to understand those who hold truth. He told me that no one thrives to see, think, or understand others as I do. My deep fascination of need may explain my attraction of troubled souls. One told me I have an aura around my soul that attracts open and sorrowful hearts. These people come to me and open their souls to my discretion and good judgment. Although, the bizarre part is, I usually have just met these people, and they have just met me. “Maybe its your eyes.” Mikey said that I am 'moontouched.' I suppose my perception of this world, and my immense, open mind, give me this beaming, influential soul. Maybe I just have a big heart, or maybe it is something more...
“Love is Friendship set on Fire.” -Jeremy Taylor
Truth and Love. That is all I ask and that I is all I promise. I believe that truth can be simple and straightforward, although, love is not so forthright. The many faces of love, I think I mentioned before. Faces, levels, flavors, types, colors, textures. Love is such a complex entity. I find myself loving so much and so many! However, how do you know when one of those forms of love... changes. Do you feel this change? Does anyone really see it coming? Do you understand why it happens? How do you know, what do you say? Is this feeling permanent? Will the old feeling come back? Do you pursue this feeling? I believe that love is one of the utmost beliefs, yet why must its complexity give us false hope?
Comments-[ comments.]
I was away, but now I return. These are my writings and thoughts over the past week.
A week away to clear my thoughts, worries, and reflections. A week to forget and live freely. A week to find myself. A week to forget myself. An easy, carefree week.... When I experience that week to forget my worries, I’ll let you know!
Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius. --Mozart
Love is such an important part to my life. I believe that if used appropriately, love can conquer all obstacles. I found my self in love this past week. In love with this world, Mike, the mountains, God, music, Abby, Emerson, hiking, Brooks, honesty, Boston, fairies, Tony, charity, books, Jessica, animal crackers, Ailey, learning, Joe, the forest, Alice, hope, snow, punk rock, gerbera daises, parents, long walks, peace, AJ.... I am so in love with life. Where do I start? Where do I stop? I don’t. I will continue to love. Some more than others, and some differently than before. I have found some running away from love. Some get so overwhelmed or caught up is its immense power, that they submit or give up on love. I pity those poor souls, yet I worry for my own. I cannot stop loving and often love others too much... I never thought is was possible to love someone too much. But I will continue with my boundless love; I will keep moving past all of the broken hearts, shattered dreams, and false hopes. I will keep loving all of you and everything. For that is who I am, and forever shall be.
Moontouched.
“People with green eyes were close to the fairies we were told...” -Seamus Deane.
Maybe this explains my vivid green eyes with my bizarre gift. A genuine soul made me realize a gift that I have been given to better this world. The gift to see, and to understand those who hold truth. He told me that no one thrives to see, think, or understand others as I do. My deep fascination of need may explain my attraction of troubled souls. One told me I have an aura around my soul that attracts open and sorrowful hearts. These people come to me and open their souls to my discretion and good judgment. Although, the bizarre part is, I usually have just met these people, and they have just met me. “Maybe its your eyes.” Mikey said that I am 'moontouched.' I suppose my perception of this world, and my immense, open mind, give me this beaming, influential soul. Maybe I just have a big heart, or maybe it is something more...
“Love is Friendship set on Fire.” -Jeremy Taylor
Truth and Love. That is all I ask and that I is all I promise. I believe that truth can be simple and straightforward, although, love is not so forthright. The many faces of love, I think I mentioned before. Faces, levels, flavors, types, colors, textures. Love is such a complex entity. I find myself loving so much and so many! However, how do you know when one of those forms of love... changes. Do you feel this change? Does anyone really see it coming? Do you understand why it happens? How do you know, what do you say? Is this feeling permanent? Will the old feeling come back? Do you pursue this feeling? I believe that love is one of the utmost beliefs, yet why must its complexity give us false hope?
Friday, March 12, 2004
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love, and be loved in returned."
Comments-[ comments.]
Thursday, March 11, 2004
"Fear and pain are only a state of mind, you must surpass your mind to reach your ultimate goal." -Anthony Steneck
There is something very important I want to say or write... but I'm not sure how to put it into words. I think I felt assurance for the first time today. Nothing big or life changing, but just a small glimpse at my world. I could picture myself outside of the tunnel today and in the light that I thrive to reach. I peered through the looking glass, and saw some truth. I suppose that this assurance that I feel is the thought that everything will be alright. Three months ago, a very clear and important part of my life became cloudy and dark. My comfortable and familiar life was turned upside down. I hated change, but excepted it, with little understanding to its meaning. Now the fog has cleared, and much to my surprise that important soul in my life is still there. Through all the heartbreak, words, tears, lies... we found ourselves still standing there. We are definitely not the same, and don't want to be. But there is still something there worth fighting for. A friend.
Comments-[ comments.]
There is something very important I want to say or write... but I'm not sure how to put it into words. I think I felt assurance for the first time today. Nothing big or life changing, but just a small glimpse at my world. I could picture myself outside of the tunnel today and in the light that I thrive to reach. I peered through the looking glass, and saw some truth. I suppose that this assurance that I feel is the thought that everything will be alright. Three months ago, a very clear and important part of my life became cloudy and dark. My comfortable and familiar life was turned upside down. I hated change, but excepted it, with little understanding to its meaning. Now the fog has cleared, and much to my surprise that important soul in my life is still there. Through all the heartbreak, words, tears, lies... we found ourselves still standing there. We are definitely not the same, and don't want to be. But there is still something there worth fighting for. A friend.
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
"Overdue" Get Up Kids
You're a few years overdue.
I spent them waiting here for you.
Now your charity's refused,
I can name a penance for abuse.
Twenty four years overdue,
what kind of role model are you?
Very least learn not to do,
I think I might be over you.
Do hope I won't
Learn to make
The same mistakes,
That you would
Make me aware
That only fear,
My only hope,
Is letting go.
Went on a limb for you,
Capsized when I turned twenty two.
Did it burn as bad for you?
No bottle serves to soothe my wounds.
You're a few years overdue.
I spent them waiting here for you.
I pray that no one finds themselves lost on this winding road or dark tunnel... But there is hope. If you keep your strength and truth, your heart will not fail you. I'm still here...and I find more and more reasons everyday, to love.
Comments-[ comments.]
You're a few years overdue.
I spent them waiting here for you.
Now your charity's refused,
I can name a penance for abuse.
Twenty four years overdue,
what kind of role model are you?
Very least learn not to do,
I think I might be over you.
Do hope I won't
Learn to make
The same mistakes,
That you would
Make me aware
That only fear,
My only hope,
Is letting go.
Went on a limb for you,
Capsized when I turned twenty two.
Did it burn as bad for you?
No bottle serves to soothe my wounds.
You're a few years overdue.
I spent them waiting here for you.
I pray that no one finds themselves lost on this winding road or dark tunnel... But there is hope. If you keep your strength and truth, your heart will not fail you. I'm still here...and I find more and more reasons everyday, to love.
